Diligence

Hi guys... I just wanted to post a low-spot... humor me!!

I have been trying really hard to be more conscious of my eating, and spending a little time each night writing down what I can remember I ate (should probably do this as I go throughout the day-). I'm feeling frustrated and somewhat deprived altho my definition of deprived may vary somewhat from that of, oh, 90 percent of the world's population. I'm trying to figure out if my raging hunger at the end of the day is an ingrained, familiar comfort sort of thing, or if it's metabolic, or a combination of the two mixed up with the fact that I don't eat enough earlier in the day. I don't have too much trouble front-loading the day with a hearty breakfast... but then when I want a snack in the mid-morning I feel like I shouldn't so I don't... and then lunch gets put off til I'm ravenous but I manage to pull off a perfectly healthy 400 calorie meal (when I want like 800)... and then it all goes to he-double-hockey-stick from about 5:30 on as I eat non-stop until I hate myself around 9. (recent comic line: "Who eats until they feel full?? I eat til I HATE MYSELF.")

AFter a few days of food journaling I can see the pattern of not eating enough in the earlier day. I'm going to work on it and see if I feel less ravenous at night. Part of why I try to skimp early on is I'm afraid I'll STILL be starving at supper, and then I'll really blow it when my motivation flies out the window with the kids in bed. but if I actually get in a better lunch, and healthy snacks, maybe I'll have more control when the lights dim...

I have been running a lot this week, and throwing in crunches and pushups (thanks to Jess) anytime I find myself on the floor for any reason. Still can't figure out how much extra calories that allows me, and totally frustrated with calorie counting in general because I just don't know how many calories are in 1/8 of an apple, 6 baby carrots or a half a cup of broccoli. I hate boxes so my cereal, crackers, etc are all in tupperware and I don't have the nutritional info anymore. It pisses me off to be looking it up, it makes me feel stupid! Why can't I remember?? Why is meat so hard to figure out without a food scale? Seriously, I have to buy a food scale?? I have some value jusgements to overcome (food scales are for anal people with serious FOOD ISSUES). Not liking that.

On the upside, I think I have lost some pounds, maybe even inches, and I think now (which I really doubted when we started this) I actually might be able to see my stomach muscles by summer- it does seem closer than a couple months ago. I'm just feeling way too focused on the food, it doesn't seem natural (I guess that means "doesn't seemEASY"), and I feel somewhat cranky and volatile about it all. So there.

I hit the forums on SparkPeople last night and there was some good feedback there on ways to feel fuller longer that I'm also going to give a try (mainly adding flaxmeal wherever you can to increase Omega-3's and fiber, and just keeping up with the Omega3-6-9 supplements and fresh fiber dense foods, for the same reasons). An interesting website & community.

OK, I'm off to bed. Thanks for listening <3